Hurricane Dean...

Can suck a bag of dicks.

First of all, let's be honest, I'm awake and it's barely 8:30am. PROBLEM.

I've been awake since 4:30 (after going to bed at 1:00am). PROBLEM.

I was rocked awake (not in the good way) because the ocean is spitting this giant city of a ship around like a ragdoll. weeeeeee...a rollercoaster that never stops! RIDE AGAIN! RIDE AGAIN! And it's weird because we're ALL tall enough .

I hate CNN (one of the three channels), because EVERYTHING is very dramatic, and a little dose of "hurricane DEAN watch" before bed coupled with the rocking makes for some very disturbring nightmares.

Looking out the window of the internet "cafe" (where there are no hot foreign men nor five dollar lattes), I see her. She is PISSED, yo. It's like she's saying, "Hey you! Yeah....YOU with the bucket of corona in the yellow plastic logo HELMET! You are what's wrong with the world! There are millions of people living with AIDS, starving, dying in wars and killing each other, and YOU are working on your tan and complaining that you only had the option to eat 17 times today! Well.....take that!"

Lots of vomit (but at least they have strategically placed a bunch of barf bags near the elevators)

Lots of knocking into walls as we try to walk down the hall (but at least most of the hallways are only 4 feet wide).

Lots of falling out of bed, while dreaming that the bed is soon going to be the cold wet sheets of the deep blue.

We're okay. We're headed to Tortola and St. Thomas. It could be worse, but I won't be at ease until Mama Ocean gets over her vengence. Okay I get it! i'm in TIME OUT Mama! And I promise to straighten up ("or no buffet for you!")

All I know is that I'm not going down without a fight (and by "fight," I mean a full helmet/bucket of Corona).

Cruise Update

Hi friends,

I know, I know. It's been too long. Since my last post, the following things have happened.

My friend Cindy picked me up in a boat in Bermuda...I felt like I was in Charlie's Angels. Everyone was jealous. Then we went to have Rum Swizzle drinks. weeeeeee. It was so good to see her and her hubby.

I went to the Atlantis Resort in Nassau, which is beautiful and wierd at the same time. Casino, resort, Guided tours, a HUGE aquarium (with sharks and a 20-foot Mantaray), pools, pools, pools, and all the deck chairs have their own umbrellas (retractable). It's like Vegas threw up in the middle of the ocean.

And It would have been nice to go to one of the pools, but it's $105 bucks for the day. WHAT? You can suck it Atlantis. You may be pretty, but that doesn't mean I like you.

We went to a cool place called Blackbeard's in St. Thomas. They have a pool, a beach, and a swim-up bar. HELLO! When you can drink it in and pee it out at the same sitting-you're pretty much in heaven.

Also, they have Iguanas walking around...one of which was gimpy. LAME leg. From the war I'm guessing.

And the big news is that I got acupuncture. Pretty much opened up google for a place that was open in NYC on a Saturday, and lucked out with a very cool woman who let me make my appt via email, gave me 30 dollars off my first visit, laughed at my jokes and took a picture of my butt with all the needles in (for myspace, of course). It was like I hit the lottery. Of course, it's probably gonna take a few more sessions before I can walk without shooting pain going down to my calf, but we're moving in the right direction.

In TV news, the two new crew channels have opened up an antirely new world to me. Sex and the City. I had never seen an episode until I got on the ship. Hilarious. Now they're playing Friends, which is always fun.

Anyway, I also got into the Boston Comedy Festival, which is coming up in October (two days after I get off the ship!), so I'm gearing up for that. We're gonna do some secret crew shows for our friends in the next few weeks, so we'll combine some stand-up, sketch, long-form, and music. I'm really excited.

I'll try to come up with some better stories next time.

-Miracle

PS. Oh. I'm still winning with the pod of dolphins. Because the aquarium didn't count.