Myspace has changed the way we live and LOVE......
I used to know when my boyfriend was super mad at me because he spit in my face.
Now, I know something is VERY wrong when he deletes my comment, picture, or the WORST- my friendship. It was easier when he spit on me!
Before, at the end of a relationship, I would just delete his number, give away his sweater, and be done with it. NOW, I have to set my page to private, delete him as a friend, AND post a thinly-veiled blog about how I found this new young indie band- and it's SO much better than the old one I used to listen to. (Mostly because their bass guitar is much bigger).
Or maybe write a poem about how I killed a badger outside my sun room, JUST IN TIME.
Before, if I wanted to check up on a guy I'm dating, I would just borrow his cell phone while he was in the bathroom, write down all the numbers of girls he's called recently, and call them all one by one posing as a carpet cleaning business. "I'm sure you'll need to speak to your husband before you make any decisions. Oh you don't have a husband? Your boyfriend? Yes, and what was his name??"
NOW, I have to do all kinds of research, or SPYSPACING, as I like to call it. I have to figure out which girls are posting comments on his page, who those girls are, and what he's saying on THEIR pages. And because most of those girls' pages are set to private, that usually involves creating fake accounts, "friending" those slutty whores, posing as someone who "knows a friend of theirs," or a photographer who wants to "offer free headshots to build my portfolio" because they "are very photogenic."
Not to mention keeping tabs on all the updates:
He added a new picture? Who is that girl?
He updated his profile?? That means you have to scour his page to see what has changed….
Changed his Background?? (he never changed his background while WE were dating!)
He added a new Song? (Is that a love song? A message to me? Or does that mean he's seeing someone new?)
Who is that in his top friends? I've never seen HER before!? Is that the Shelly that he works with??
Myspace is supposed to keep us all connected….but really, it's just making everyone more psycho.
Not to mention…IT'S LIKE A SECOND JOB!
Thank God I'm only working part-time now...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
BLOG CHALLENGE 6: I PROMEEEETHHH
I'm obsessed with accents. And I don't wanna brag, but I have a good ear. I can usually pick out an accent and pinpoint its origin before you can finish your introductory handshake.
I also hate talking to strangers. I mean, if people are introduced to me, or if I'm onstage that's different. But I hate it when random strangers talk to me for no good reason.
ie.
The lady on the treadmill who always talked to me while I was reading a book....asking me so many questions that I just eneded up lying to her about my life. I am a paralegal and I have 2 kids. My husband just left me and it's a pretty sore subject!
The guy in the elevator who thinks it's fun to make jokes like "I hope no one had mexican food today!" oh god you're hilarious....
The woman in Target who asks me, "What do you think of those granola bars? I wanted to try them but my daughter is allergic to peanuts." Fascinating.
So these two things are counter-productive. I like to hear people's voices, but I don't wanna talk to them to find out where they're from.
So the other day I had to go to the mall to pick up a few things for the late bridal shower gift. And out of no where, the strangest accent came out of the strangest little man- I was walking toward him, and I just kept focusing on the noise coming out of his mouth. SO interesting....where is he from?? What kind of accent is that? And then I realized he was talking to me- and coming toward me quickly.
"Ethcuthe me meeethhh.
Meeeth!!!
DO you like to have your free manicured today?
Eeeethhhh abthoolutely freee and you will thank me I promoeeeth!"
"I PROMEEEEEETHHHHH!???" (SMILE)
He was adorable. I would have normally just kept walking, but because I had been mezmorized by this strange accent slash speech impediment, I slowed down too much. He caught me.
I put up the usual fight- "Sorry, I don't have time.....no thank you! I've heard this stuff is great, but not today." But it was too late.
He grabbed my hand and I wasn't paying any attention to what he was doing. I was just trying to figure out what the HELL he was saying.
What ith your name?? aaaaahhhhh MEEETHELLLL. That ithh a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. (SMILE). NOW, Theethhh ithhh the oil from duh dead theeee. You put theeeth on your handth oneth a week or twithe if you want (smile!). And theeeth itth the cuticle oil. aaaaaaaaahhh (*SMILE*) tho nithe okay? right? tho nithe!
And you gunna thee thithhh nail right heer gonna thine thoooo nithe (SMILE!) You not gunna beleeeve ith. Thithh ithh the buffer you need itthh maybe oneth a week okay? right?"
It was happening real fast. There were salts from the dead sea, a water bottle, a bunch of my dead skin cells in the basin.....but I just wanted him to keep talking!
But he had already stopped.
"Tho whitthh one you gonna buy today meethelll?" (SMILE)?
What? Oh crap. This is the part where I have to come up with something. I panicked. AND I BECAME THE STRANGER WHO SHARES TOOOOOOOO MUCH.
I ended up telling him that I only work part-time, I just bought a gift for someone else, I'm going out of town soon, my mom has cancer, but I WILL come back and buy the kit when I need a gift for someone else.
"Why geefth? Why Geeft Meeeethelle? Why not your geeeft? Geeeft for yourthelf? You deTHERVE eeeet Meethelle!"
But Pierre! You've already given me the best geeeeft of all. You have inspired several people reading this to speak out loud and try to figure out where you are from.
France + Gay + Cindy Brady= the best geeeeeft ever.
PS. Thanks for the shiny nail on my middle finger. It makes flipping people off real pretty!
I also hate talking to strangers. I mean, if people are introduced to me, or if I'm onstage that's different. But I hate it when random strangers talk to me for no good reason.
ie.
The lady on the treadmill who always talked to me while I was reading a book....asking me so many questions that I just eneded up lying to her about my life. I am a paralegal and I have 2 kids. My husband just left me and it's a pretty sore subject!
The guy in the elevator who thinks it's fun to make jokes like "I hope no one had mexican food today!" oh god you're hilarious....
The woman in Target who asks me, "What do you think of those granola bars? I wanted to try them but my daughter is allergic to peanuts." Fascinating.
So these two things are counter-productive. I like to hear people's voices, but I don't wanna talk to them to find out where they're from.
So the other day I had to go to the mall to pick up a few things for the late bridal shower gift. And out of no where, the strangest accent came out of the strangest little man- I was walking toward him, and I just kept focusing on the noise coming out of his mouth. SO interesting....where is he from?? What kind of accent is that? And then I realized he was talking to me- and coming toward me quickly.
"Ethcuthe me meeethhh.
Meeeth!!!
DO you like to have your free manicured today?
Eeeethhhh abthoolutely freee and you will thank me I promoeeeth!"
"I PROMEEEEEETHHHHH!???" (SMILE)
He was adorable. I would have normally just kept walking, but because I had been mezmorized by this strange accent slash speech impediment, I slowed down too much. He caught me.
I put up the usual fight- "Sorry, I don't have time.....no thank you! I've heard this stuff is great, but not today." But it was too late.
He grabbed my hand and I wasn't paying any attention to what he was doing. I was just trying to figure out what the HELL he was saying.
What ith your name?? aaaaahhhhh MEEETHELLLL. That ithh a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. (SMILE). NOW, Theethhh ithhh the oil from duh dead theeee. You put theeeth on your handth oneth a week or twithe if you want (smile!). And theeeth itth the cuticle oil. aaaaaaaaahhh (*SMILE*) tho nithe okay? right? tho nithe!
And you gunna thee thithhh nail right heer gonna thine thoooo nithe (SMILE!) You not gunna beleeeve ith. Thithh ithh the buffer you need itthh maybe oneth a week okay? right?"
It was happening real fast. There were salts from the dead sea, a water bottle, a bunch of my dead skin cells in the basin.....but I just wanted him to keep talking!
But he had already stopped.
"Tho whitthh one you gonna buy today meethelll?" (SMILE)?
What? Oh crap. This is the part where I have to come up with something. I panicked. AND I BECAME THE STRANGER WHO SHARES TOOOOOOOO MUCH.
I ended up telling him that I only work part-time, I just bought a gift for someone else, I'm going out of town soon, my mom has cancer, but I WILL come back and buy the kit when I need a gift for someone else.
"Why geefth? Why Geeft Meeeethelle? Why not your geeeft? Geeeft for yourthelf? You deTHERVE eeeet Meethelle!"
But Pierre! You've already given me the best geeeeft of all. You have inspired several people reading this to speak out loud and try to figure out where you are from.
France + Gay + Cindy Brady= the best geeeeeft ever.
PS. Thanks for the shiny nail on my middle finger. It makes flipping people off real pretty!
Monday, June 9, 2008
BLOG CHALLENGE 5: Best things to buy while crying
Feel free to add to this.
1. Flowers
2. Anniversary Cards
3. Adult Diapers
4. Pregnancy Tests (because you never buy just ONE)
5. A House
6. A handgun (from Wal-Mart)
7. Apple Pucker and/or "the Margarita Bucket"
8. Duct Tape
9. Baseball Bat
10. Flares
11. Tent
12. Shovel
13. Crotchless Panties
14. Condoms
15. a Bible
16. 3 Chicken Tendercrips Sandwiches from Burger King. One diet coke
17. new puppy
18. A new Bra
19. Bikini Wax Kit
20. Dr. Phil Book
21. Chainsaw
22. Birthday cake
22. Mascara
23. Binoculars
24. Pinata
1. Flowers
2. Anniversary Cards
3. Adult Diapers
4. Pregnancy Tests (because you never buy just ONE)
5. A House
6. A handgun (from Wal-Mart)
7. Apple Pucker and/or "the Margarita Bucket"
8. Duct Tape
9. Baseball Bat
10. Flares
11. Tent
12. Shovel
13. Crotchless Panties
14. Condoms
15. a Bible
16. 3 Chicken Tendercrips Sandwiches from Burger King. One diet coke
17. new puppy
18. A new Bra
19. Bikini Wax Kit
20. Dr. Phil Book
21. Chainsaw
22. Birthday cake
22. Mascara
23. Binoculars
24. Pinata
Saturday, June 7, 2008
BLOG CHALLENGE 4: THE FEET BLOG
I never wanted to write this blog. I didn't wake up this morning and think to myself: I need to talk about my feet. I just went through my day and every once in a while I would check in and ask myself, "is there anything that has happened today that would make a fun blog?" and the answer was "no." Not because my day wasn't incredibly fun, but it just wasn't unusual enough.
It wasn't unusual that I spent 11 hours with strangers shooting a pilot where I got to play an endearingly desperate, horny woman.
It wasn't unusual that I offered to take someone else's trash home to be recycled (and then forgot it).
It wasn't unusual that I slowed down and allowed two gentlemen to walk across the street in front of my car, and got an "oh yeah baby girl! mmm hmmm" in return.
It wasn't unusual that I had to run home and change clothes in a rush for a party- or that I chose to wear pants instead of a skirt (hello stubble!). And I thought it would be cute and "spunky" to wear my chuck taylors instead of girly shoes. It's a little butch, but suck it- my feet hurt from the long day.
And sadly, it wasn't unusual that I showed up two hours late to a bachelorette party with no gift, and walked in just when the gift exchange was happening.
I was starting to think I wouldn't have anything to write about! I might have to actually come up with something on my own without relying on the world to give it to me! (gross)
AND THEN IT HAPPENED. The bachelorette party was winding down, and the wild ones were moving the party to the "bars." OF COURSE I was planning on going to that...especially since I was so late and needed to make it up to the bride to be with a few slippery nipple shots,because who doesn't love those? And who doesn't love a good bar?
Well....one of the lovely ladies warned me that I wouldn't be able to get into the club with my sensible shoes....
(WARNING!)
But then, like girls do, everyone went into a super-adorable "we'll make it work" mode:
"What size shoes do you wear?"
(OH MY GOD)
"I have an extra pair!"
(OH SHIT)
"You can wear mine!"
(I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP)
"And put your converse in your bag!"
(OR MAYBE PASS OUT)
"And Change when we get inside!"
(I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I HAVE TO SHOW SOMEONE MY FEET).
That's all I could think about. GET OUT NOW! MISSION ABORT! MISSION ABORT! I knew they were being kind and trying to find a way to include me. And if I didn't have strange feet issues, then it would not have been a big deal.
In reality, it wasn't a big deal AT ALL. I was exhausted, and I'm not a fan of dancing. So this gave me an out- "Oh well, I don't have the right shoes.... no worries. You guys go ahead and have fun!"
But they were trying so hard...and I had to say something to make them stop. So THIS is what came out of my pie hole:
"NO! IT'S OKAY, OKAY? I really don't wanna wear anyone else's fancy girly shoes, because I have weird feet issues, so you guys go and have fun and don't worry about it!"
*awkward silence* *awkward silence* *awkward silence*
So how's THAT for a graceful exit???
Jesus Miracle, you're a douche...
I hope they didn't feel too bad. It had NOTHING to do with them at all. I am just weird. I have ugly feet. And I don't show my feet to anyone. And if you're reading this, and thinking, "I've seen your feet," it's probably because I was in love with you, or you're related to me, OR you came home early and caught a glimpse of them as I was running away and screaming, "don't look at my feet!"
It's pretty effing rediculous, I know. But can I get a high five for opening up?
Is this funny? Probably not, unless you really know me and have experienced my "weird feet thing."
Does make me more neurotic and therefore endearing?
Say yes. For all of us....but mostly for me, (because I'm wearing socks right now).
It wasn't unusual that I spent 11 hours with strangers shooting a pilot where I got to play an endearingly desperate, horny woman.
It wasn't unusual that I offered to take someone else's trash home to be recycled (and then forgot it).
It wasn't unusual that I slowed down and allowed two gentlemen to walk across the street in front of my car, and got an "oh yeah baby girl! mmm hmmm" in return.
It wasn't unusual that I had to run home and change clothes in a rush for a party- or that I chose to wear pants instead of a skirt (hello stubble!). And I thought it would be cute and "spunky" to wear my chuck taylors instead of girly shoes. It's a little butch, but suck it- my feet hurt from the long day.
And sadly, it wasn't unusual that I showed up two hours late to a bachelorette party with no gift, and walked in just when the gift exchange was happening.
I was starting to think I wouldn't have anything to write about! I might have to actually come up with something on my own without relying on the world to give it to me! (gross)
AND THEN IT HAPPENED. The bachelorette party was winding down, and the wild ones were moving the party to the "bars." OF COURSE I was planning on going to that...especially since I was so late and needed to make it up to the bride to be with a few slippery nipple shots,because who doesn't love those? And who doesn't love a good bar?
Well....one of the lovely ladies warned me that I wouldn't be able to get into the club with my sensible shoes....
(WARNING!)
But then, like girls do, everyone went into a super-adorable "we'll make it work" mode:
"What size shoes do you wear?"
(OH MY GOD)
"I have an extra pair!"
(OH SHIT)
"You can wear mine!"
(I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP)
"And put your converse in your bag!"
(OR MAYBE PASS OUT)
"And Change when we get inside!"
(I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I HAVE TO SHOW SOMEONE MY FEET).
That's all I could think about. GET OUT NOW! MISSION ABORT! MISSION ABORT! I knew they were being kind and trying to find a way to include me. And if I didn't have strange feet issues, then it would not have been a big deal.
In reality, it wasn't a big deal AT ALL. I was exhausted, and I'm not a fan of dancing. So this gave me an out- "Oh well, I don't have the right shoes.... no worries. You guys go ahead and have fun!"
But they were trying so hard...and I had to say something to make them stop. So THIS is what came out of my pie hole:
"NO! IT'S OKAY, OKAY? I really don't wanna wear anyone else's fancy girly shoes, because I have weird feet issues, so you guys go and have fun and don't worry about it!"
*awkward silence* *awkward silence* *awkward silence*
So how's THAT for a graceful exit???
Jesus Miracle, you're a douche...
I hope they didn't feel too bad. It had NOTHING to do with them at all. I am just weird. I have ugly feet. And I don't show my feet to anyone. And if you're reading this, and thinking, "I've seen your feet," it's probably because I was in love with you, or you're related to me, OR you came home early and caught a glimpse of them as I was running away and screaming, "don't look at my feet!"
It's pretty effing rediculous, I know. But can I get a high five for opening up?
Is this funny? Probably not, unless you really know me and have experienced my "weird feet thing."
Does make me more neurotic and therefore endearing?
Say yes. For all of us....but mostly for me, (because I'm wearing socks right now).
Friday, June 6, 2008
BLOG CHALLENGE 3: THE SICK BLOG
You KNOW something was going down if Miracle skipped a day on the blog challenge! Sorry guys, yesterday I went home early from work to sleep off the horrible sickness that was creeping in. Plus, if I did have a blog in me yesterday, it would have gone something like this:
"WHYYYYYY? OH GOD...NOT NOW!!!!!!!!"
Today I went to CVS to go to the "doctor." I use the quotes because I'm really not sure you can call these people doctors- they wear a white coat, but their skills seem to be focused on the fact that they can click a series of boxes with a computer mouse and run a credit card machine. And yes, I've said this before! But I chose to go because it's close to my house and reasonable. Meaning I give them 100 bucks to stick a giant q-tip down my throat reasonable. I don't know if I have strep, but it sure feels like it. And I wanted to be sure because I'm going home to see my mom next week, and if I'm sick I can't be around her. So I thought better safe than sorry. I could have gotten the antibiotics just in case, but that would have been another 60 bucks. So instead I bought some cookies and left that place with my middle finger in the air. We'll just wait til Tuesday to see if I really have strep.
I did however rally last night around 10pm to shoot a quick scene for a short film/pilot that I had already committed to. So when you see it, you'll be able to tell which scene I'm talking about-the one where I have the sweats and I'm about to pass out. I can't wait.
So that's all for now. Tomorrow I shoot the pilot all day, so I'm sure I'll have stuff to write about. Now I sleeeeeeeep.
"WHYYYYYY? OH GOD...NOT NOW!!!!!!!!"
Today I went to CVS to go to the "doctor." I use the quotes because I'm really not sure you can call these people doctors- they wear a white coat, but their skills seem to be focused on the fact that they can click a series of boxes with a computer mouse and run a credit card machine. And yes, I've said this before! But I chose to go because it's close to my house and reasonable. Meaning I give them 100 bucks to stick a giant q-tip down my throat reasonable. I don't know if I have strep, but it sure feels like it. And I wanted to be sure because I'm going home to see my mom next week, and if I'm sick I can't be around her. So I thought better safe than sorry. I could have gotten the antibiotics just in case, but that would have been another 60 bucks. So instead I bought some cookies and left that place with my middle finger in the air. We'll just wait til Tuesday to see if I really have strep.
I did however rally last night around 10pm to shoot a quick scene for a short film/pilot that I had already committed to. So when you see it, you'll be able to tell which scene I'm talking about-the one where I have the sweats and I'm about to pass out. I can't wait.
So that's all for now. Tomorrow I shoot the pilot all day, so I'm sure I'll have stuff to write about. Now I sleeeeeeeep.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
BLOG CHALLENGE 2: I HEART GOOGLE
In case you didn't know it, Google is the b.o.m.b
It completely made my day today.
People are always sending me videos in a COMMENT or a BULLETIN or your FUN WALL. We are all swimming in "funny" videos these days. There are too many of them, and most of them aren't even funny. Except the ones I have done, of course! Seriously you guys- I have done some funny videos- like stuff that's gotten a couple hundred hits. Those kind of numbers are really encouraging to a struggling "funny" person.
But today, I went back to my roots. I thought back to a time before video comments/bulletins/FUN WALLS. I was digging deep. My inner monologue went something like this:
"What was the first internet video that really made me laugh and WHY?"
And then I was all, "oh!" And then I was all, "I hate when people say 'I was all...'"
I recalled a video sent to me as a LINK in an email (hello caveman!) YEARS ago...back when I worked at a Television station in Denver, and we were starved for "funny" to kill the time at work. But I was all, "how can I ever find it again?"
That's where Google comes in, guys. I typed in four words that connected me to the best video on the internet. EVER.
OLD. LADY. DOG. WALKING
And (WAIT! DO NOT SCROLL DOWN YET ANTSY PANTS!) because I think it's important for all of us to reconnect with our own unique senses of humor and celebrate each and every one, I invite you to watch this and celebrate your own.
By the way, I wish google would track how many times something like "old lady dog walking" has been googled. Because if we tracked how many times we've all googled our own names, we would all appear to be VERY famous. 10 million "google hits?" holy crap! I want you in my picture!
I also truly believe that gmail (a brilliant product of google) was develped to act as a cock block, but that's a theory for another blog.
But in conclusion- I heart google and all of you, and this is why.
It completely made my day today.
People are always sending me videos in a COMMENT or a BULLETIN or your FUN WALL. We are all swimming in "funny" videos these days. There are too many of them, and most of them aren't even funny. Except the ones I have done, of course! Seriously you guys- I have done some funny videos- like stuff that's gotten a couple hundred hits. Those kind of numbers are really encouraging to a struggling "funny" person.
But today, I went back to my roots. I thought back to a time before video comments/bulletins/FUN WALLS. I was digging deep. My inner monologue went something like this:
"What was the first internet video that really made me laugh and WHY?"
And then I was all, "oh!" And then I was all, "I hate when people say 'I was all...'"
I recalled a video sent to me as a LINK in an email (hello caveman!) YEARS ago...back when I worked at a Television station in Denver, and we were starved for "funny" to kill the time at work. But I was all, "how can I ever find it again?"
That's where Google comes in, guys. I typed in four words that connected me to the best video on the internet. EVER.
OLD. LADY. DOG. WALKING
And (WAIT! DO NOT SCROLL DOWN YET ANTSY PANTS!) because I think it's important for all of us to reconnect with our own unique senses of humor and celebrate each and every one, I invite you to watch this and celebrate your own.
By the way, I wish google would track how many times something like "old lady dog walking" has been googled. Because if we tracked how many times we've all googled our own names, we would all appear to be VERY famous. 10 million "google hits?" holy crap! I want you in my picture!
I also truly believe that gmail (a brilliant product of google) was develped to act as a cock block, but that's a theory for another blog.
But in conclusion- I heart google and all of you, and this is why.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
BLOG CHALLENGE 1: THE HOT DOGS
Sometimes you have two groups of friends. The cool ones, and the nice ones.
Sometimes you have a BBQ and invite the cool ones and the nice ones both to come and bring hotdogs. The cool ones talk to the nice ones and the nice ones talk to the cool ones. And then everyone is happy and cool and nice.
And SOMETIMES, you have a BBQ where every single nice and/or cool person brings a pack of hot dogs and leaves them behind for you to eat, when in fact you are kind of grossed out by hot dogs. And since you have a star wars video game in your living room, it brings everyone together. In a way that the cool ones don't have to actually TALK to the nice ones, but they can compare scores, or talk about how awesome it is to have a video game in your living room. But everyone is still cool and nice and happy.
And I hereby swear that every homless person I see for the next couple weeks will be getting one ball park frank, compliments of the best BBQ ever.
Sometimes you have a BBQ and invite the cool ones and the nice ones both to come and bring hotdogs. The cool ones talk to the nice ones and the nice ones talk to the cool ones. And then everyone is happy and cool and nice.
And SOMETIMES, you have a BBQ where every single nice and/or cool person brings a pack of hot dogs and leaves them behind for you to eat, when in fact you are kind of grossed out by hot dogs. And since you have a star wars video game in your living room, it brings everyone together. In a way that the cool ones don't have to actually TALK to the nice ones, but they can compare scores, or talk about how awesome it is to have a video game in your living room. But everyone is still cool and nice and happy.
And I hereby swear that every homless person I see for the next couple weeks will be getting one ball park frank, compliments of the best BBQ ever.
Monday, June 2, 2008
BLOG CHALLENGE!
So...I had a particularly shitty stand-up set the other night. For realzzz, it was BAAAAAAADDDDDDD.
If this is any indication of the level of suck that occured, my friend (who had never seen me do stand-up) said this after the show:
"Stand-up is really hard."
Yeah. THAT bad. uggghhhh. I wanna break it off with stand-up. Walk away, never look back- I don't want to leave a note, I just want to empty all of my shit out of the apartment while he's at work and run to Arizona and be a Pampered Chef consultant, or start up my own ebay business selling my mom's smoky Beanie Babies. They've been safely stored in baggies in a closet since 1995.
But before I break it off for good, I'm gonna do another blog challenge. Because even when you know it's not gonna work out, you still wanna sleep with him. Maybe you are punishing yourself, because you like the pain. Maybe you are trying to find that redeeming quality you didn't see before. Or maybe you're trying to get pregnant to trap him into staying.
So that's what I'm gonna do. Hump a new blog every day for seven days. I don't promise that it will be brilliant. They might not even be funny. But either way, I'm gonna get pregnant with a new comedy baby.
I will thank you in advance for reading. It means a lot.
ENJOY!
-Michelle "entrapment" Miracle
PS. This may count as the first entry, unless I am inspired later tonight.
If this is any indication of the level of suck that occured, my friend (who had never seen me do stand-up) said this after the show:
"Stand-up is really hard."
Yeah. THAT bad. uggghhhh. I wanna break it off with stand-up. Walk away, never look back- I don't want to leave a note, I just want to empty all of my shit out of the apartment while he's at work and run to Arizona and be a Pampered Chef consultant, or start up my own ebay business selling my mom's smoky Beanie Babies. They've been safely stored in baggies in a closet since 1995.
But before I break it off for good, I'm gonna do another blog challenge. Because even when you know it's not gonna work out, you still wanna sleep with him. Maybe you are punishing yourself, because you like the pain. Maybe you are trying to find that redeeming quality you didn't see before. Or maybe you're trying to get pregnant to trap him into staying.
So that's what I'm gonna do. Hump a new blog every day for seven days. I don't promise that it will be brilliant. They might not even be funny. But either way, I'm gonna get pregnant with a new comedy baby.
I will thank you in advance for reading. It means a lot.
ENJOY!
-Michelle "entrapment" Miracle
PS. This may count as the first entry, unless I am inspired later tonight.
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