BLOG CHALLENGE 6: I PROMEEEETHHH

I'm obsessed with accents. And I don't wanna brag, but I have a good ear. I can usually pick out an accent and pinpoint its origin before you can finish your introductory handshake.

I also hate talking to strangers. I mean, if people are introduced to me, or if I'm onstage that's different. But I hate it when random strangers talk to me for no good reason.

ie.

The lady on the treadmill who always talked to me while I was reading a book....asking me so many questions that I just eneded up lying to her about my life. I am a paralegal and I have 2 kids. My husband just left me and it's a pretty sore subject!

The guy in the elevator who thinks it's fun to make jokes like "I hope no one had mexican food today!" oh god you're hilarious....

The woman in Target who asks me, "What do you think of those granola bars? I wanted to try them but my daughter is allergic to peanuts." Fascinating.

So these two things are counter-productive. I like to hear people's voices, but I don't wanna talk to them to find out where they're from.

So the other day I had to go to the mall to pick up a few things for the late bridal shower gift. And out of no where, the strangest accent came out of the strangest little man- I was walking toward him, and I just kept focusing on the noise coming out of his mouth. SO interesting....where is he from?? What kind of accent is that? And then I realized he was talking to me- and coming toward me quickly.

"Ethcuthe me meeethhh.

Meeeth!!!

DO you like to have your free manicured today?

Eeeethhhh abthoolutely freee and you will thank me I promoeeeth!"

"I PROMEEEEEETHHHHH!???" (SMILE)

He was adorable. I would have normally just kept walking, but because I had been mezmorized by this strange accent slash speech impediment, I slowed down too much. He caught me.

I put up the usual fight- "Sorry, I don't have time.....no thank you! I've heard this stuff is great, but not today." But it was too late.

He grabbed my hand and I wasn't paying any attention to what he was doing. I was just trying to figure out what the HELL he was saying.

What ith your name?? aaaaahhhhh MEEETHELLLL. That ithh a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. (SMILE). NOW, Theethhh ithhh the oil from duh dead theeee. You put theeeth on your handth oneth a week or twithe if you want (smile!). And theeeth itth the cuticle oil. aaaaaaaaahhh (*SMILE*) tho nithe okay? right? tho nithe!

And you gunna thee thithhh nail right heer gonna thine thoooo nithe (SMILE!) You not gunna beleeeve ith. Thithh ithh the buffer you need itthh maybe oneth a week okay? right?"

It was happening real fast. There were salts from the dead sea, a water bottle, a bunch of my dead skin cells in the basin.....but I just wanted him to keep talking!

But he had already stopped.

"Tho whitthh one you gonna buy today meethelll?" (SMILE)?

What? Oh crap. This is the part where I have to come up with something. I panicked. AND I BECAME THE STRANGER WHO SHARES TOOOOOOOO MUCH.

I ended up telling him that I only work part-time, I just bought a gift for someone else, I'm going out of town soon, my mom has cancer, but I WILL come back and buy the kit when I need a gift for someone else.

"Why geefth? Why Geeft Meeeethelle? Why not your geeeft? Geeeft for yourthelf? You deTHERVE eeeet Meethelle!"

But Pierre! You've already given me the best geeeeft of all. You have inspired several people reading this to speak out loud and try to figure out where you are from.

France + Gay + Cindy Brady= the best geeeeeft ever.

PS. Thanks for the shiny nail on my middle finger. It makes flipping people off real pretty!