A NOTE ABOUT MY PROFILE PICTURE

Well, Well, Wellllllllll, It's been a while huh? You look good.

I changed my profile picture, and it's creating QUITE a stir. If you'd all get your minds out of the gutter for a minute, you might wanna know that it's actually a picture of a beautiful conch shell, taken in Nassau, Bahamas. The ocean is a beautiful place my friends....and deep within it, there are many beautiful (yet strangely erotic) things. I didn't make them, I just take pictures of them- is that a crime? If you've got a problem with any of these things, take it up with the big guy upstairs- you know...the one with a sense of humor.

I like it. And I'll change it back when you calm down!

By the way, it was taken by my friend Derek, right before he bought a much uglier, cheaper one that made no sound and smelled like a moldy basement. He left it in the shower.

Hearts and farts and new blog challenge coming up soon!

-Miracle

PAARRRT TIME!!

Hey douchebags!

Just in case you are wondering, things are changing!

I am now working part-time. No more 40 hours per week of porn. This is both good and scary as hell. I will have to learn the art of bugeting...

BUT it's going to free my brain up to do more creative things, such as:

1. Scour the internet for a rich husband ("number 1 was fun, but 2 will buy me shoes!")

2. Grow a beard.

3. Go through my underwear drawer. (not to get rid of anything....just to appreciate)

4. Learn to paint my name on a piece of rice. (You can sell anything in Venice!)

But for reallllllz: I'm excited. Change is good, and I know everything's going to work out financially, because I'm scared into action.

Today was my first day at home, and I made some major progress already.

I made soup, got my car washed, cleaned my trunk, made my bed, rediscovered (and updated) my itunes library, charged my ipod, researched voice-over studios, went to the post office to mail my mother's day present, did the dishes, sent a bunch of emails, did yoga, AND I took a shower. I KNOW! Holy productive Miracle, right? Just think what I can accomplish being home two full days per week (plus the weekends!). Look out to do list. I'm coming for you.

Let me know if you need me to do anything for you. Once I take over the world, I'll be looking for stuff to do.

Hearts and farts.

DISASTER!

I wanted to write a new blog today, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

LIFE IS A DISASTER!

I couldn't find find fat-free cheese OR Boca Bratworst at Von's, AND they didn't have the bagels I like.

I think I have a vericose vein- it hurts behind my knee, right where I cross my lady legs.

I don't know how to spell vericose.

I'm going back to bed. Maybe the unbearable darkess will clear up after...

WAIT- I can't go to bed, because my sheets are in the WASHER!

This is too much. I hope there are no ropes or bourbon in my kitchen...

WAIT- I have BOTH of those things in my kitchen! shit.

I have to get out of here. I'll get in my car and...

WAIT! I just hit a bratty child with my car.

Whew....for a minute I thought I was having a bad day!