BLOG CHALLENGE 4: THE FEET BLOG

I never wanted to write this blog. I didn't wake up this morning and think to myself: I need to talk about my feet. I just went through my day and every once in a while I would check in and ask myself, "is there anything that has happened today that would make a fun blog?" and the answer was "no." Not because my day wasn't incredibly fun, but it just wasn't unusual enough.

It wasn't unusual that I spent 11 hours with strangers shooting a pilot where I got to play an endearingly desperate, horny woman.

It wasn't unusual that I offered to take someone else's trash home to be recycled (and then forgot it).

It wasn't unusual that I slowed down and allowed two gentlemen to walk across the street in front of my car, and got an "oh yeah baby girl! mmm hmmm" in return.

It wasn't unusual that I had to run home and change clothes in a rush for a party- or that I chose to wear pants instead of a skirt (hello stubble!). And I thought it would be cute and "spunky" to wear my chuck taylors instead of girly shoes. It's a little butch, but suck it- my feet hurt from the long day.

And sadly, it wasn't unusual that I showed up two hours late to a bachelorette party with no gift, and walked in just when the gift exchange was happening.

I was starting to think I wouldn't have anything to write about! I might have to actually come up with something on my own without relying on the world to give it to me! (gross)

AND THEN IT HAPPENED. The bachelorette party was winding down, and the wild ones were moving the party to the "bars." OF COURSE I was planning on going to that...especially since I was so late and needed to make it up to the bride to be with a few slippery nipple shots,because who doesn't love those? And who doesn't love a good bar?

Well....one of the lovely ladies warned me that I wouldn't be able to get into the club with my sensible shoes....

(WARNING!)

But then, like girls do, everyone went into a super-adorable "we'll make it work" mode:

"What size shoes do you wear?"

(OH MY GOD)

"I have an extra pair!"

(OH SHIT)

"You can wear mine!"

(I THINK I'M GONNA THROW UP)

"And put your converse in your bag!"

(OR MAYBE PASS OUT)

"And Change when we get inside!"

(I GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I HAVE TO SHOW SOMEONE MY FEET).

That's all I could think about. GET OUT NOW! MISSION ABORT! MISSION ABORT! I knew they were being kind and trying to find a way to include me. And if I didn't have strange feet issues, then it would not have been a big deal.

In reality, it wasn't a big deal AT ALL. I was exhausted, and I'm not a fan of dancing. So this gave me an out- "Oh well, I don't have the right shoes.... no worries. You guys go ahead and have fun!"

But they were trying so hard...and I had to say something to make them stop. So THIS is what came out of my pie hole:

"NO! IT'S OKAY, OKAY? I really don't wanna wear anyone else's fancy girly shoes, because I have weird feet issues, so you guys go and have fun and don't worry about it!"

*awkward silence* *awkward silence* *awkward silence*

So how's THAT for a graceful exit???

Jesus Miracle, you're a douche...

I hope they didn't feel too bad. It had NOTHING to do with them at all. I am just weird. I have ugly feet. And I don't show my feet to anyone. And if you're reading this, and thinking, "I've seen your feet," it's probably because I was in love with you, or you're related to me, OR you came home early and caught a glimpse of them as I was running away and screaming, "don't look at my feet!"

It's pretty effing rediculous, I know. But can I get a high five for opening up?

Is this funny? Probably not, unless you really know me and have experienced my "weird feet thing."

Does make me more neurotic and therefore endearing?

Say yes. For all of us....but mostly for me, (because I'm wearing socks right now).