BLAH 1- PSYCHIC MISSED CONNECTIONS

I think I'm psychic. Last week, I had a dream about an old co-worker friend, and what I dreamed about her basically came true. In the dream, she was working at the company we both used to work for. A couple days later in real life, she got fired from her current job. SEE? I'm Psychic!

My psychic abilities are telling me that someone posted a "Missed Connection" about me on Craigslist. I don't even have to go looking for it- I know it's there. I'm PSYCHIC!

It says something like this:

It was the 4th of July. There were 20,000 people in the Rose Bowl, but all I saw was you. You looked so cute; you were wearing shorts- a bold move with your white legs, and Pasadena nights can be kind of breezy! I was sitting with my family, and I saw you coming up the stairs, walking a few steps behind a friend, and scanning the crowd for another friend who was saving your seats. I could tell by the look on your face that you were a little self conscious about those white legs, and those really STEEP stadium stairs. And that's why, when you tripped right in front of me, I immediately jumped up to help you, offering my hand and an "Are you okay??" My mother always taught me to be kind to strangers. It was really adorable the way you yelled "FUCK!" as your naked shins hit the edge of the concrete stairs. There were so many kids sitting around you, but you didn't care! Those kids thought they were just going to see a few marching bands and a wholesome American fireworks show, but thanks to you, they also got an American language lesson! You are an inspiration! Also, it was really endearing the way you didn't make eye contact with any of the five other people who collectively said, "OH NO!" and offered to help you up when you went down. You were putting up such a strong front, but I could see you biting back the tears.

It all happened so fast. You were up, you were down, you were bleeding and you were gone. I bet you found your seat, put a wet napkin on your wound and said "FUCK" at least a few more times that night (probably after the child in front of you elbowed your shin twice!)

I didn't even get your name. But I know that you are my kind of woman…. I would love to help you up the next time you take a digger in public. If you're interested email me back.

Signed,
"I want you on my jumbotron"