WHAT I'VE LEARNED THIS WEEK

WHAT I’VE LEARNED THIS WEEK

1. The ratio of "jobs applied for" and "responses received" is 200:1

2. I wish "Donna" was related to me, because I really like her sweet potato pie.

3. I enjoy dogs and babies only if they are mine.

4. I need a bailout.

5. When shopping for a man's dress shirt (to wear to my new catering job), I have to pretend I have a huge neck so the shirt will button around my tit-shelf.

6. In addition to helping you cheat on your spouse, the internet is an excellent teaching tool- I used to to learn how to tie a full windsor!

7. I can do amazing things with a veggie burger.

8. I can collage the shit out of a box of matches.

9. PBR is cheap, no matter what city you are in.

10. Sometimes, when you delete someone, they don't notice for 6 months.

11. When taking a comedy class, try to stay away from topics like "cancer" and "death"

12. I am in year 5 of a 9 year cycle. And my life path number is a 7. If I just knew what that meant...

13. Sometimes, the universe sends you a message in the form of a missed phone call.

14. Daylight savings time is cock-blocking my exercise routine.

15. Being a "Real Housewife" on Bravo is not the same as being a "Real Person."

16. I do not care about Vampire movies OR flat screen TVs.

17. People who live in LA need to go "home" or "away" periodically to stay sane.

18. The free hotdogs at the White Horse are Chicken and Turkey, no pig.