BLOG CHALLENGE 6- THE BIRD

Today, (thanks to James) I almost died. I hiked up a "trail" that until we showed up had only seen mudslides and rattlesnakes come through. BUT I did it, did not spit blood, AND I only had to take three advil tonight! After 22 minutes of wheezing, I was able to tell him how good it felt.

Luckily after the hike, we went to lunch in Los Feliz! It was lucky because in the middle of our conversation, I saw one of the saddest/coolest things EVER- a ONE-footed pigeon walking on the sidewalk. Seriously. It was just walking around, begging for food like a pirate, hobbling on his peg leg.

They don’t have homeless people in Los Feliz (they’re not allowed in unless they are wearing screen-printed T-shirts and leather wristbands).....BUT they have one-footed pigeons. It was kind of awesome, and sad. But mostly awesome.

How does the one-footed pigeon HAPPEN? I am not some sort of scholar but I just completed my online degree in pigeon theory from DeVry, SO I’ve deduced the following possible answers to this conundrum.

1. His girlfriend (assuming it was a HE) caught him cheating, and instead of cutting off his balls (because WHO can find balls with all those feathers?), she cut off his foot. And then she put his severed foot in the nest of that slutty sparrow, with a note: "He’s a carrier. Congratulations, he got his foot in your door just in time."

2. Assuming is was a female bird: Her boyfriend was shipped off to fight in Iraq; she wanted to prove she would be faithful while he was fighting for our country, so she mamed herself in a way that would prevent other birds from wanting to mate, or even fly next to her. PS. The foot is hanging from her rear-view mirror with a yellow ribbon around it.

3. Scrapbook accident.

4. Bird Frat Hazing.

5. Pinkberry optioned the foot for a new possible flavor. Sometimes you just need money. Don’t judge- you sold your plasma in college for Boone’s Farm money.

6. He tried to cut off the ankle bracelet from his DUI charge, but the knife slipped. It’s ironic, because it makes him want to get drunk but now he can’t drive a stick.

7. Bread fight.

I’m sure there are other possible scenarios, but all I know is that EVERYONE on that patio was throwing food at him. It was really pissing the other birds off. It’s like when two homeless people are standing at the corner, and I only have one dollar to give away. It always comes down to the better sign.